Perhaps I should end my life... [Ripple and Sea]

[</cloudii>]

[[This is a sort of continuation of the Apprehension thread in the ShoreClan camp. Please don't reply unless you are Seamist or Cloudii or we've PMed you to post. Thanks! ^-^]]

Ripplestream hauled herself up to the top of Korkea Maa, not caring how many loose rocks and pebbles showered down and hit other cats on the head. She had snuck out of camp unnoticed by any of her Clan mates. Thank, StarClan.
Twilightstar had ordered that she would not leave the camp without a warrior with her and she was not allowed to go near the StormClan border. So much for that. They can't even be bothered to look for me anyhow. I'm just a prisoner in my own Clan now, she thought in horror.

She sat at the top of Korkea Maa for a moment, resting after her long climb. Then she had a wonderful idea. She could hurl herself off the top and onto the rocks below; a terrific way to end her suffering. Yes, her amber-green eyes narrowed in a twisted pleasure, That's what I'll do.
Before she did, however, the silver-blue she-cat closed her eyes for what seemed to be the second-to-last time she would and called on StarClan. At least in StarClan, she would be reunited with her brother forever.

They did not answer. Not even a single meow was heard.

Then her mind whirled to Mousepaw. How would he manage? He didn't know everything she knew yet! For a moment, she panicked and was about to race back to her Clan, then realized the only cat who didn't hate and trusted her was Mousepaw.
I can't face them anymore.
It wasn't worth it.
Well, let them suffer from greencough in leafbare, an angry expression mixed with sorrow appeared on her face.

Well, now, StarClan AND my own birth Clan hate me, she thought, her whole body trembling. It looked like she had not taken care of herself in days. Her once sleek and shiny silver blue fur was tangled and grimy and her eyes were dull and lifeless.
The she-cat took a few paces back and prepared to hurl herself off Korkea Maa...

[+[{S.E.A.M.I.S.T.}]+]

Seamist's fur bristled with alarm as she followed Ripplestream's scent. At first, she had thought that the now-former medicine cat had been out to collect herbs to help Mousepaw, but as she passed border after border, she became more and more confused. There were practically no plants growing in Korkea Maa, save the occasional weed or shrub. Wayward apprentices sometimes came here to play - she winced at the memory of Hazeltear and Wolfriver playing at the top, only to be scolded by Ripplestream - but this harsh landscape was no place for a medicine cat. Unless...

A few seasons ago, a depressed young apprentice had jumped of the peak of the mountain, snapping his neck, and died instantly. Ripplestream was angry, to be sure, but...depressed? She pushed the thought to the back of her mind, but it kept gnawing at her, chafing her conscience. Only one way to find out, she thought darkly, as she silently shadowed Ripplestream's progress.

The scent was fresh now, so fresh that she knew Ripplestream had only been there moments before. But that's not good enough, she raged silently, and doubled her pace. Her paws began to send debris rolling down the side of the mountain as she climbed, but her snowy paws never once lost their footing. there, she thought, eyes widening, as she glimpsed a familiar silver back. Her eyes locked on to her target, while her legs churned the rocky surface of the ground. She was finally close enough to be heard if she decided to call out.
But not yet.

The warrior's sea-green eyes narrowed as Ripplestream neared the edge, muscles tensing as she prepared to launch herself bodily into the air. She watched the medicine cat take a few steps back, and then pause. She seized her chance, and parted her lips.
"Stop."

[</cloudii>]

Ripplestream whirled around as she heard a familiar voice. She had been so wrapped in her thoughts she had not noticed another scent or pawsteps approaching. It was Seamist. For a moment, she couldn't think anything. Just stared at the blue tabby.
Then she found her voice, "What are you doing here?" It was just a quiet whisper, hollow, not like her usual angry way she talked with Seamist.

Oh, great, her tail tip twitched. She's come to bring me back to the Clan so I can just suffer more and bear the humiliation of my enemy seeing me TRY to kill myself.
"Why do you even care what I do anymore?" The silver blue she-cat stepped one tiny pawstep closer to the edge of the cliff. Now she was only about 3 steps away from her death.

"I've stopped seeing your brother, I'm not a medicine cat anymore, at least in ShoreClan's eyes, and my life isn't worth anything anymore," her amber-green eyes met sea-green ones fiercely, "Isn't that what you wanted all along?"

ooc - REALLY short...sorry!

[+[{S.E.A.M.I.S.T.}]+]

Seamist tipped her head to its side. "Well, if I want to take that statement at face value, yes, I wanted to separate you and my brother. And no, I did not wish for you to lose your position or become so pitifully distraught that you became suicidal."
Her voice carried no bite nor tinge of bitterness; just honesty, and cold, hard reason.
She stepped closer to Ripplestream, so close that their muzzles were only a few inches apart. "You, Ripplestream, are a coward."

It was crucial that she didn't agitate Ripplestream enough to take a step back, but she needed to drive her point home. "Would you like to know why you are a coward?"
Without waiting for a reply, she continued, "Instead of taking responsibility for what you have done, you have simply admitted it. You are now attempting to commit suicide, thus leaving Mousepaw without a mentor and leaving ShoreClan with a half-trained medicine cat. As you very well know, a Clan without a medicine cat will fall apart quite easily. By leaving them, you have guaranteed the destruction of your birth Clan."

She paused. "And you know I would very much hate to see the destruction of ShoreClan."
The blue she-cat let out a tired sigh, and whispered, "I know what you are going through."
A twisted grin formed on her face as she mewed, "Oh, yes. You may laugh and scoff, and believe that your pain is unique, but I have also been so pathetically depressed that I felt like dying."
"When Pebblestone died, my world died with it. There was no reason to live. that newleaf, I stepped to the River and almost jumped in. Almost. What stopped me was not fear, but duty. Duty to my Clan. I may not be as important as a medicine cat, but ShoreClan has few warriors to spare. And duty to my friends and family. I had the courage - though a perverse form of courage it was - to stare death in the eye and turn away."

"Do you have that courage?"

[</cloudii>]

Ever so preachy xD

"Call me what you want," Ripplestream meowed wearily, turning her head to look out over the cliff. She thought about just jumping off now when Seamist had pretty much cornered her. There was only a step or two before she would reach the edge and her Clan mate was square in front of her.
How do YOU know what it's like to have your brother die, then TRY and find love somewhere else, only to have it thwarted by someone I had considered my friend, then having your life pretty much taken away? She stared levelly into sea-green eyes.

"Did you not hear Twilightsong?" the silver blue cat meowed, all the anger and fury out of her voice, only to be replaced by a deep sorrow. "I'm not medicine cat anymore. Mousepaw is." She flopped down on the rough surface of the cliff, "It's not the rank that bothers me. The rest pf my LIFE, I'm supposed to be teaching Mousepaw, yes, that's a good thing, but I can't DO anything. That's what I lived my whole life for, but I can't do that anymore."

[+[{S.E.A.M.I.S.T.}]+]

Seamist smiled crookedly. "I know I sound preachy, and I apologize," she mewed. ((So THERE!))She tipped her head to its side again, and added, "But you know, you're doing something by helping Mousepaw. You're healing cats through him, and the knowledge that you've given him. And Twilightstar...Twilightstar left a little loophole, in case you hadn't noticed. He did say that Mousepaw would be the new medicine cat, but he hasn't received his name yet. Therefore, you have a slight chance of being reinstated."
She winked. "And anyways, if you decide to take care of some of Mousepaw's patients a little more hands-on...no one's going to blame you."
The she-cat paused for a moment, looking dead ahead with her piercingly green eyes. Ripplestream hadn't jumped yet; that was good. Perhaps there was hope...
"And by the way, I apologize for my behavior during the whole...affair." She winced at her accidental use of the word, but forged on. "My mind was clouded. I don't mind if we can't be friends anymore - I don't blame you - but am I forgiven?"
OOC: Messy. Noo. Dx

[</cloudii>]

ooc - SOOOO SORRY!!! -hides in shame-

Ripplestream's eyes widened. This was the first time, pretty much, she had EVER heard Seamist apologize to someone. She quickly blinked a couple of times to get rid of the slight shock in her eyes and nodded slowly.
Is she forgiven? The she-cat twitched her ears, "You were...right," she meowed grudgingly, "...I did...break, Shadowfi---your brother's heart." She looked away for a moment. I'm so sorry, Shadowfire, the silver blue cat they would probably be kept away from each other almost forever, even at Gatherings.

She sighed so sadly, even the air around her seemed to still for a while. She placed one paw in front of the other until she was well away from the edge of the cliff.
She grunted, almost as if she didn't want to admit something, "I forgive you," she pushed her nose into her Clan mate's shoulder and stood back a pace, looking at the other she-cat's face.

ooc - You reply once more and we'll close it?