Regret in my Heart

[[Hea]ther[/sky]]

<sub>Blood, pulsating like the rain in a summer storm. Rushing through the veins of a very distressed she-cat whose paws pounded on the earth like drums. Her heart beating was like a drum. Life was like a drum, beating until the drummer stopped, and then it was over. No two songs were identical, just as no two lives were. Something new happened every day.

And something new did happen today. Heatherpaw had always been a good cat. She always followed the rules, and on top of that showed extraordinary character at times. But one thing that always had stayed the same was that she was always calm and well-composed. It had all shattered in the heat of a fight. The rabbit had been the catalyst, the rabbit that crossed the border that she couldn't see or hear or smell...

Why was I so oblivious? She thought depressedly. if Rosedawn hadn't... no, this is not her fault, it's mine and Stormpaw's. I hope no one finds me for a moon. I'm so ashamed... but there's no going back now.

Speeding forwards, but this time deathly aware of where she was due to her fight-or-flight reaction, she sped out into Preyrocks, a silver blur close to the ground. Her head was tucked in defiantly, protesting to the wind as well as her conscience. Heatherpaw slowed, her heart hammering her chest in a wild attempt to pump that thick, red blood to her body to supply its needs. Taking shelter under a rock, she closed her silver eyes and began silently weeping.</sub>

[</cloudii>]

Ripplestream was by EmberClan territory, out in near The River, collecting herbs for the move to Korkea Maa when she heard the sounds of a weeping cat. Her silver blue ears twitched and the medicine cat quickly trotted towards the Preyrocks on EmberClan territory, her mouth crammed with goldenrod. She identified the scent of the crying cat almost instantly. It was Heatherpaw! Her paws carried her swiftly towards Stonestream’s apprentice, who was almost like a daughter to her…

“Heatherpaw,” she meowed quietly, and gently gave the silver apprentice a lick on the ear. “It’s me, Ripplestream,” the ShoreClan medicine cat just curled in a semi-circle around the distraught she-cat and didn’t speak for a little while, just staying there to give Heatherpaw the sense that some cat was there for her.

[[Hea]ther[/sky]]

Heatherpaw's adrenaline level gradually lowered. The EmberClan medicine cat apprentice, soon done with her apprenticeship and ready to be who she was, felt that she was not ready because of what had happened. She scented Ripplestream coming, and made no attempt to hide the fact that she was weeping. Heatherpaw was never really as pride-filled as maybe Cinnamonstreak or another of the characters that animated her life with fights and conflicts.

After a few minutes, she calmed down, and her heart began to throb more slowly, her blood not roaring through her ears the same as it had before. It wasn't so hard to think, to be, to feel her thoughts slipping through her emotional gaps, reminding her that she was more open than she herself thought. Overestimating herself again... she hated herself for what had happened. She looked up into Ripplestream's calm eyes, knowing again that the ShoreClan medicine cat was more like her mother than she thought any other cat would ever be. She felt calm wrap her again, and sighed a shuddering sigh to calm herself, and knew she owed an explanation. And Heatherpaw was ready, now, to face reliving the moment.

"It happened just a little bit ago," She said, her voice still trembling a bit. "I did something awful, Ripplestream..." Taking a deep breath, she continued, a little more steadily. "I was chasing a rabbit. I... I know I should have been way more careful than I had been, but I chased it over the StormClan border. And then there was a fight, a-and then Rosedawn was onto me and Stormpaw. It wasn't Stormpaw's fault," Heatherpaw added, knowing that it would sound as though it was her friend's idea to chase rabbits over the border. Her steel-colored eyes were still filled with shame and pain. "I... I never felt so angry in my whole life. She was yelling at me, telling me and Stormpaw that we were disgraces to the Clan. And when she told us we weren't allowed to leave the camp until the next Gathering and she would do my herb gathering duties..."

Her steely eyes were flashing with anger. That had been too much, intruding into her life like that, butting in and telling her that she was banned to the camp for almost a moon. "It was... like the last connection holding my rage back was cut with that. I..." Here was where the real difficulty came. "I told her she didn't have the right. I mean, she's a warrior and I know that, but... she's not the deputy or leader, or Stonestream. So I told her she had no right to do that to us, especially Stormpaw who didn't have as much part in it as I did, and that I wouldn't do it, and I ran off." She unsheathed her claws at the memory of that awful bonfire-hearted moment.

[Cinder]

Stormpaw raced like wind through the forest, following Heatherpaw's trail. As her paws skimmed across the ground, her mind grew calmer and her turbulent thoughts began to settle. She enjoyed the feeling of being free, of the wind ruffling her fur, of the scent of the forest.
I hope Heatherpaw is okay, she thought. She really was angry back there. I hope she calms down before Rosedawn finds her.
Her speed slowed, and she sighed. It was wrong for us to defy Rosedawn, but Rosedawn didn't have to overreact as much. I can understand why Heatherpaw freaked out. I don't think Rosedawn realized how much being a medicine cat means to her.
That doesn't make us right, though.
The grey apprentice slowed until she was walking, but that did not diminish the speed of her thoughts. This whole mess had begun over a cat stealing prey, and look what it had evolved into.
She could smell Heatherpaw's sweet scent, left where she had brushed against bushes and tree-trunks. It was filled with rage and sorrow.
Her heart twisted with pity for her friend. I hope she's okay.
Stormpaw flicked grey ears forwards. Low meows were coming from up ahead. She smelled Heatherpaw, and another scent...
ShoreClan???
Then the odor of herbs reached her, and she realized that it must be Ripplestream, the medicine cat. Stormpaw paused for a second, wondering if she should intrude.

[</cloudii>]

Ripplestream narrowed her eyes angrily. Rosedawn had no right to order a medicine cat apprentice around! She gave Heatherpaw a comforting lick and offered, though a little hesitantly. "Would you like me to, uh, speak to Rosedawn? Or would that make it worse for you and Stormpaw?" her gentle voice was quiet. Thinking thoughtfully, the silver-blue she-cat added, "Perhaps you should have told Stonestream and he could have done something about it." Suddenly, she heard a noise coming from the bushes a little way from them and twitched her ears. "Who's there?" her voice was calm but a little nervous. What if it was an EmberClan cat angry that she had trespassed on their territory? The medicine cat shook her head. No, they could chase her away, she was here to speak to Heatherpaw.

[Cinder]

Stormpaw jumped as Ripplestream turned to stare in the bushes where she was hiding. She padded out of the cover hesitantly. "Its just me." Her blue eyes widened as she noticed Heatherpaw. The apprentice looked like she had been crying.
Stormpaw's heart twisted in her chest. "Heatherpaw?" she asked hesitantly. The silver she-cat did not reply. Stormpaw sighed. "Oh, Heatherpaw, I'm so sorry!"

[[Hea]ther[/sky]]

The now-calmer Heatherpaw closed her stormcloud-gray eyes. This was never going to happen again. This outburst of foolishness. She felt like the mousebrain Rosedawn had implied. Why would it become this bad? And just out of an accidental crossing of a border. Was that really so bad?

Reopening her eyes, she shook her head to Ripplestream, appreciating the comfort. "Rosedawn has been on Stormpaw's case for a while. It might make it worse. But I really appreciate it." Heatherpaw nodded to the additional statement. "I should have told Stonestream. He'd have dealt with it the right way. But... but I was too mad. I had to get away from EmberClan's cats fast." With the exception of Stormpaw and Stonestream, there was no one there who would have helped her.

Looking up to see Stormpaw there, she smiled wearily. "It's alright. Stormpaw, you've been through a lot more than I have as far as this whole territory-crossing stuff. I think it's so stupid for the warriors to overreact like this. It's frustrating." Heatherpaw shredded a tuft of grass growing in the crag. "I'm not going to forget this, and I'm definitely sure Rosedawn won't." She was bothered by the fact that she might be uncomfortable near a Clanmate, especially since she was supposed to be especially kind and friendly to all cats.

[</cloudii>]

Ripplestream purred quietly, trying to comfort the young she-cat. She gave a nod to Stormpaw then meowed to Heatherpaw, "Well, you two should get back to camp now," her voice was firm, but gentle. It was more of a suggestion than an order, but she felt that Heatherpaw and Stormpaw should have told another cat of authority right away of Rosedawn's behavior. "I'll come with you, or you can just stay out here while everyone is worried," her tone turned a little motherly and she wished, not for the first time, she had kits of her own.

[[Hea]ther[/sky]]

Heatherpaw waited a moment before shaking her head a little. "I don't know if we should return yet, Rosedawn will still be angry at both of us for running off like that, and I can think of a few who would have both our tails for trespassing." Thinking about it, was it better to run away, or to face them and deal with the present problems? It was probably better to go back, but Heatherpaw was more than a little reluctant; after all, she gained major comfort from her friends. But it was time. Turning to face Ripplestream, she replied, "You don't have to come with us if you don't want to, especially because you weren't present and a lot of cats would be quick to point that out, but it would be a major comfort." Heatherpaw purred a little.

[</cloudii>]

Ripplestream smiled, "Of course I will come with you, I wouldn't leave you to face Rosedawn alone," she rasped her tongue over Heatherpaw's ear and her amber-green eyes were soft. She stroked the silver tabby flank of the apprentice and purred comfortingly. The bushes suddenly rustled in front of her and out stepped Stonestream.

The EmberClan medicine cat dropped the bunch of marigold he was carrying and his eyes widened in surprise. "Ripplestream! What are you doing here?" He cast a glance at his apprentice and her friend. "Heatherpaw and Stormpaw? Why are you two so far from camp? Every cat is getting ready for the move to Korkea Maa!" He shook his head disapprovingly.

[[Hea]ther[/sky]]

"Thank you, Ripplestream," Heatherpaw meowed gratefully. When Ripplestream began to rasp her tongue over her pelt, the silver apprentice closed her silver eyes. It was always so much easier to deal with a problem when you had close ones nearby. And to Heatherpaw, who'd never known her mother, Ripplestream was basically family. Looking up as Stonestream entered the rocky territory, Heatherpaw felt a little more guilt, but sat up and looked her mentor in the eye to reply. "It was because of a territory problem," She meowed quickly.

[</cloudii>]

Ripplestream did not uncurled herself from around Heatherpaw as Stonestream appeared. "I'm talking with Heatherpaw," she answered, her eyes held Stonestream's gaze steadily. Although she respected the older tom, she thought it would be better if he went.

Stonestream narrowed his eyes and wondered what would be so important that his apprentice had to talk to Ripplestream and not him...oh well, he thought. Something in the ShoreClan medicine cat's amber-green eyes told him that this was not a good time for him to be there and he rumbled a quick good-bye and slipped back through the bushes with his marigold.

[[Hea]ther[/sky]]

Remaining sitting, with Ripplestream curled around her, Heatherpaw watched her mentor leave. "I wonder what that was about?" She mewed tentatively. He seemed bothered by the fact that she had not come to talk to him. "I need to talk to him at some point about what happened," She thought aloud, glancing at Stormpaw to see how the other apprentice had reacted to the arrival of the EmberClan medicine cat's arrival.

[</cloudii>]

Ripplestream followed Heatherpaw's gaze and meowed, "Perhaps we should get back to your camp now," her tail twitched, "You really need to tell Stonestream about Rosedawn. He might be able to do something about Rosedawn's behaviour. I will not be able to, as I do not belong to EmberClan," she nudged Heatherpaw onto her paws; this time, they really should go.

ooc - Now we need to wait for Cinder?

[Cinder]

Stormpaw nodded. "We'll encounter Rosedawn at some point; we might as well not delay it." She rasped her tongue over Heatherpaw's ear. "It'll be okay. I'm sure Stonestream will understand." But what will happen to me? she wondered. I haven't even got a mentor, much less one as understanding as Stonestream.
She hid her feelings well, though, and turned to face the ShoreClan medicine cat. "Thank you, Ripplestream." She dipped her grey head politely.